Wines to Survive Whatever This Election Is

If you’ve lived through a U.S. election in the past decade, you probably already know the vibes. Whether it was 2020’s democracy-on-the-brink energy or 2024’s sequel that no one asked for but everyone had to watch, election night has become less about results and more about stocking up on comfort carbs and coping juice. And by coping juice, I mean wine.

This post is for anyone who’s been refreshing the results map like it’s a sports bracket from hell. Whether you’re rage-watching cable news or hiding under a blanket muttering “please not again,” I’ve got a few wine picks that can help take the edge off while the country… does whatever it’s doing.

If we still have functioning elections in the future, feel free to revisit this list. You might need it.

California Zinfandel

If your stress level is hovering somewhere between “can’t stop doomscrolling” and “googling how to move to Portugal,” Zinfandel is your wine. These big, bold beauties clock in at 14–17% ABV and come packed with flavors like blackberry, black plum, prunes, and coffee. Basically, it’s fruit and caffeine pretending to be sophisticated. Perfect for watching the electoral map turn suspicious shades of red and blue. Honestly, just skip the glass.

Grenache Blend (aka the GSM Trio)

Grenache by itself is fine, but election night calls for the drama and balance of a good GSM—Grenache, Syrah, Mourvèdre. It’s bold, boozy, and complex, like your group chat at 10 p.m. on election night. These blends are usually high in alcohol with smooth tannins and deep, dark fruit. Grab one from Trader Joe’s if you’re broke and stressed, or splurge on a Châteauneuf-du-Pape if you’re fancy and still holding onto hope.

Pinotage

South Africa’s Pinotage is what happens when Pinot Noir and Cinsault had a baby during a crisis and gave it a personality. It’s got vibrant red fruit, smoky notes, and a little bit of chaos, which makes it feel right at home in this political landscape. If you’re watching debates or coverage with a side of “did he really just say that,” Pinotage is your pal. Sip every time someone mentions voter fraud with zero evidence.

Australian Shiraz

This one’s for when things start spiraling. Australian Shiraz brings the big fruit and bigger alcohol, usually with bold blackberry, black cherry, and licorice notes. It’s comforting in a “hug in a glass” kind of way and just dramatic enough to match the occasion. Plus, it’s reliably strong, which is key when your state’s votes are stuck in a recount for the fifth time.

Final Notes

If it all gets to be too much and wine’s not cutting it, we fully endorse breaking into your emergency tequila stash. Or just turning the TV off and pretending this is all part of a very dark comedy. Either way, stay hydrated, pace yourself, and remember that wine pairs beautifully with screaming into the void.